Kingdom of Heaven (film review)

What happens when you rehash a politically correct Cowboys and Indians movie from the 50s and dress up the cast in armor and turbans? You get Kingdom of Heaven.

First let me suggest that it should be renamed Kingdom of Boring. Even the fight scenes were listless. The only decent performance was from Liam Neeson and he died 15 minutes into this very long film. That was just about the same time the film started heading south.

As for Orlando Bloom, sorry bud, but you ain’t no Russell Crowe. Time to put on the Spock ears and head back to the Middle Kingdom. Not that Ridley Scott shouldn’t shoulder some of the blame for this mediocre extravaganza. It was like watching Hamlet by the Jordan… except not as upbeat. Perhaps Kevin Costner can get Scott to direct the sequel to Waterworld.

Save 2 ½ hours of your life and rent El Cid with Charleston Heston and Sophia Loren instead.