Going to Manila and Other Horrible Places, Pt.3

Topic: Vacation Trip

My next adventure in the Philippines is on a resort island called Boracay. To get to this lovely little island, you have to ride in this propeller driven plane. The first thing I notice is that there is Arabic writing inside the plane. At first I didn’t understand the significance of this, then I figured it all out.

There’s Arabic on the inside of this plane because it was first shipped and sold to a nation in the Middle East. After Air Arabia (or whatever airline it was) bought the plane, rode the hell out of it, finally decided it was used up, they sold it to anyone that would buy it, and I get to find out how well a forty year-old plane flies. I felt like I was riding in a Ford Pinto with wings. Nothing actually happened on the flight, unless you include the kamikaze dive the pilot decided to use on the landing.

Okay, so I finally land in this winged Pinto. I look around and see a sight that can compete with of Hawaii or Tahiti or any other tropical paradise. It’s pretty as a postcard. My sphincter never felt so relaxed.

The most memorable moment is when I’m walking on the beach at night, and then I look up and see about a billion stars. The warm ocean water is slapping against my ankles and I feel so alive. I felt like I could of stood there and stargazed forever. It would have been a perfect experience, except for the stupid music coming from the bar. I’m having a transcendental moment while listening to the Spice Girls. I travel half way around the planet to listen to the same crap playing in an elevator back home.

So here’s my second most memorable moment. Everywhere I go I here dumb pop music and all I wish for is some real Filipino music. Then suddenly a nightly brown out occurs and the musicians can’t play their electric instruments. So this one guy pulls out an acoustic guitar and starts singing a Filipino song and it sounds great. People start moving towards him and listening. I couldn’t really understand all the words but it sounded like some sort of rebel song. I remember the part that basically says, “Don’t let the soldiers see you cry, they’ll just beat you more.” Considering the place is crawling with cops and soldiers to protect the wealthy Manila and foreign tourist, that was pretty brave of the guy.

So everyone, including myself, is enjoying it, when the generators kick in and we have power again. So what does this schmuck do? He puts away his acoustic guitar and plug-in his electric guitar and staring singing some Beatle’s tune. The crowd gets bored and starts moving away. That pretty much sums the Philippines. Why should you do something great when you can turn up the air conditioning and listen to Brittany Spears instead.